I swear growing up in a Desi family and community can be the worst. Granted I know there are a lot of positive things about it: loyalty, commitment, community involvement etc. But the main problem with all of that is that a person or family has to be accepted by the community before any of that will happen. That's where the judgment kicks in. In the mind of a Desi, a family is one thing: Father, Mother, children, occasionally grandparents and extended family. Anything besides that is outside the definition of a "normal" family. Even religion isn't that much of a big deal.
So what happens to gay and lesbian Desis? Just wait.....partly it's how/where they live because some families will disown their children if they come out. Certain parts of the States might help as there are a lot of communities that would accept them. But you have other communities where no one will say anything to your face (culturally it's rude to offend someone in their face but it's fine to talk about it behind their back) but it's a hot topic outside. The best way to learn is when you can hear about events going on (parties, weddings, anniversaries, baby showers etc.) that you're not even officially told about, forget being invited to.
For some reason, Desis are brought up thinking there is one acceptable family and with those sexism kicks in where if one of the parents die, the father can remarry but the mother shouldn't. It's especially hard when you're Desi-American and brought up in a time and place where you learn one thing at home and are introduced to different things outside.
Especially now where I've bumped into people in the community who have this weird idea that gay and lesbian people shouldn't be allowed to get married, have families etc. As if they are a different species and should be separated! Who the fuck comes up with this shit? Why are people even judged on who they are? All human beings should be given the same basic rights, one of the most important is to be able to marry whoever you love. Whether the couple is gay/lesbian or straight shouldn't even matter! All humans want to have a happy life and denying that right to anyone is flat out wrong.
When people start bringing up religion for the definition of marriage, it pisses me off the most. Religion is faith and the concept of faith is about believing without solid proof. That's the whole point so if it can't be physically proven, it can't be used in court. Thus, religion can't be used to justify a law against marriage. Period.
